I took a long walk during lunch today hoping to clear my mind. I snapped at co-workers all morning and was in a generally pissy mood. I thought some time to myself and some exercise would improve matters.
While I may have burned some calories, my brain was still cluttered. In fact, I ended up rehashing everything that I perceived to be wrong. My anger fueled my pace, my steps punctuated the imaginary dialogues I was having in my head with the people who are caused the frustrations. I stopped short of talking to myself out loud. Though my route only took me past three other lunchtime walkers for whom I managed to conjure up a smile, I didn’t want passing motorists to wonder why that lady walking alone was talking to herself.
Seriously, this is why I have a dog.
Being alone didn’t help, but at least I didn’t contaminate someone else with my negativity. My solitude reminded me of The Martian. Would I feel better if I had an entire planet to myself? Probably not.
I loved the film’s soundtrack with its collection of familiar disco tunes. Yet, it wasn’t the songs I knew well that haunted me after but David Bowie’s new-to-me “Starman.”
I watched the movie the weekend before my colleague died. For some reason, I found comfort listening to this song over and over again when I had to return to work.
There’s a starman waiting in the sky
He’d like to come and meet us
But he thinks he’d blow our minds
Right now I could use a mind-blowing experience. Something to clear out the anger and sadness, the malaise and melancholy. For now, I’ll have to settle for listening to this tune.
Starman is definitely one of the best Bowie songs ever, but it makes me a little sad that it has become the soundtrack of your loss. I’m sure it helps, though. **hugs**
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At least this song bumped Mozart’s “Lachrymosa” from my head. That was such a depressing tune.
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