I took a long walk during lunch today hoping to clear my mind. I snapped at co-workers all morning and was in a generally pissy mood. I thought some time to myself and some exercise would improve matters.
While I may have burned some calories, my brain was still cluttered. In fact, I ended up rehashing everything that I perceived to be wrong. My anger fueled my pace, my steps punctuated the imaginary dialogues I was having in my head with the people who are caused the frustrations. I stopped short of talking to myself out loud. Though my route only took me past three other lunchtime walkers for whom I managed to conjure up a smile, I didn’t want passing motorists to wonder why that lady walking alone was talking to herself.
Seriously, this is why I have a dog.
Being alone didn’t help, but at least I didn’t contaminate someone else with my negativity. My solitude reminded me of The Martian. Would I feel better if I had an entire planet to myself? Probably not.
I loved the film’s soundtrack with its collection of familiar disco tunes. Yet, it wasn’t the songs I knew well that haunted me after but David Bowie’s new-to-me “Starman.”
I watched the movie the weekend before my colleague died. For some reason, I found comfort listening to this song over and over again when I had to return to work.
There’s a starman waiting in the sky
He’d like to come and meet us
But he thinks he’d blow our minds
Right now I could use a mind-blowing experience. Something to clear out the anger and sadness, the malaise and melancholy. For now, I’ll have to settle for listening to this tune.