Have a Nice Day

“So,” a co-worker asked me on Tuesday, “did you have a nice day off?”

“Well . . .” I started and then hesitated.

“You’re supposed say, ‘Yes, it was great. I wasn’t here,’” she laughed in response.

There are worse things than coming to work, I thought.

***

“Nice” would not be the first word that comes to mind when describing Monday.  Of course, I don’t think there is a single word that could capture the roller coaster of emotions that I experienced that day. I’ve never discussed Philip with this particular co-worker, so responding to her question about my day off with, “I found out my son has autism” would have been socially awkward.

That being said, maybe I should make a list of what was “nice” about Monday:

1. I didn’t have to go to work.
2. It was sunny.
3. I not only got to take Philip to preschool, I got to spend the morning there observing him.
4. One of the girls in Philip’s class thought my picture of a dinosaur was pretty good.
5. Another girl told me I could write her a note or email any time now that she had taught me how to spell her name.
6. My mom was more than happy to watch Philip for us while we went to our appointment.
7. Peter and I had a nice meal out by ourselves using a gift card from a different co-worker.
8. Peter and I had time to talk about a variety of things in the car without the distraction of Philip throwing something or doing something potentially injurious.
9. Unlike our first trip there, the drive to the Autism Center and back was a piece of cake-light traffic, good weather and we found our way with no problems.
10. As the doctor went through the results of Philip’s autism screening, she not only pointed out his areas of delay, but also his strengths.
11. When the doctor confirmed that Philip has autism, Peter and I were able to receive the news together.

It would be neither healthy nor productive to make a list of all the things that were “bad” about Monday. However, I’m not sure if “bad” properly encapsulates any of my experiences either.

***

I called my best friend on Tuesday to let her know about Philip’s diagnosis. She asked me how I was doing. That made me cry, but I’m far from falling apart. For one thing, the diagnosis is not a surprise. I’ve had my suspicions since before Philip turned two. For another, falling apart would be a waste of time and energy and be of no use to Philip. Finally, I have to agree with my friend. She has a chronic disease with no cure and can relate to the situation better than most. She put it this way: “A diagnosis is information, and information is power.”

***

So, would I have rather been at work on Monday then where I was? No, not really. Was the reason I took the day off “nice?” No, not really.

Have a nice day.

This is the final post that I wrote about the autism screening process. I’m linking it up with the yeah write #148 weekend moonshine grid. Thank you to those visitors from yeah write who have been following along.

Re-reading this, I feel like this post is full of bitterness and defeat. However, I think it is important for others to know that was my attitude at the time. Click here to read a post written for the “Love Not Fear” flash blog event that describes my current attitude toward autism.