keeping it classy

“I don’t know why she’s asking,” said Angie, “but my Facebook friend is looking for alternative words for ‘fart.'”

It was a quiet Thursday morning. Freshman orientation was continuing but all of the parents had departed on Wednesday evening. Returning students would be moving back on campus that weekend. Two coworkers and I were easing into the work day during this period of relative calm.

“I don’t know,” replied Hallie. “I just say ‘farts.'”

“We used to say ‘stinkers,'” said Angie.

I was just about to suggest the very British “breaking wind” when I heard, “Excuse me.”

That’s when I noticed a man standing in our doorway. Angie hesitated for a moment before brightly asking, “Can I help you?”

The father of prospective student asked, “Can you please tell me where the Admissions Office is?”

Angie directed him to the building next door. He thanked us and left. The three of us sat very still until the clunk of the wooden door let us know he had exited the building.

We burst out laughing. I have no idea how long he was standing there or how much he overheard. Hopefully, we won’t have scared off an applicant.

Of course, we missed an opportunity. He might have had a great suggestion if we had only asked.


Share your fart synonyms/euphemisms in the comments. 

10 thoughts on “keeping it classy

  1. Got a few good ones that from experience, some of which are obscure. “vapors” “poopser” “air biscuit” “passing gas”

    Growing up we always referred to farts as “poopsers” often with lots of funny looks when we were out in public. My brother and I always laugh (still do) when one of us farts. It’s juvenile, I know, but its impossible to not at least chuckle for some reason.


  2. LMAO! Like Lori, “toot” is the word of choice in our house (unlike her though, it’s still in mostly in use even though the kids are older). We also sometimes say, “squished” thanks to the movie High Spirits. Occasionally someone “crop dusts” – for us, meaning they tooted in the next room, then brought the smell with them. Too(t) funny! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  3. HA! So funny! I bet he got an earful. I used to have to say “breaking wind” or “passing gas” because “Fart” wasn’t allowed in my house growing up for whatever reason. My husband grew up with “toot,” which I think is hilarious and use it ALL THE TIME now. Well, as often as needed… 🙂


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