Instead of three days, the referral service called back within twenty-four hours.
“We did an exhaustive search. No child care centers in your area will accept your autistic son.”
Rejected unseen with diaper changes and wordless communication only a mother could love.
that cynking feeling 
That’s just sad. What a way to miss an opportunity to teach others and give him a chance to socialize too.
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It didn’t really hit me how depressing this was until I wrote this.
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Their LOSS!!!!!!!!
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I agree. His preschool teachers loved him.
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Such a sad post. Brought tears to my eyes.
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I got a bit emotional writing it.
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😦 jackasses
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I like the way you think.
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The world has so much to learn.
Leslie
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Let’s hope the world is willing to learn.
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Patience, it will come.
Leslie
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I want to cry now… People suck suck suck….
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I’ll have to chalk it up to ignorance.
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Damn..what a world.
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Isn’t it, though?
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That’s all kinds of ridiculous… Sorry.
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Not your fault, but I appreciate the sentiment.
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Horrible that discrimination like that still exists. He will prevail and be successful regardless!
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The email was worded more diplomatically, but I think what the service said in the phone call was more accurate.
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my heart literally hurts for you, for him, for us as a community of people.
These are the kind of signs we need to tear down.
(I am so sorry)
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I appreciate your understanding.
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This is heart breaking. Sending hugs to anyone in this position. Thanks for sharing x
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Hugs accepted.
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I understand.
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Thanks.
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That is sad, and so wrong. If only everyone could be accepted and shown love no matter what!
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If only.
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I agree with Kathy, only if one was accepted as one was. I feel ashamed being a part of a crowd like that.
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But once you know you are in that crowd, you can choose to separate from it.
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A very heartfelt post here. We struggle so much to understand those who are not just like us. This is excellent.
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I suppose in this age of lawsuits and liability, people are afraid to try.
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This is heart-breaking. When I read the title, I was poised to find it fun, and then it was so wrenching.
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The Fat Boy Slim tune was stuck in my head from the moment I read the prompt.
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Heartbreaking.
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Thanks for reading it anyway.
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You say so much in these 42 words. Our culture has a long way to go when it comes to disability- related issues. It sucks that you have to fight the good fight every day. I think all of the writing you do helps to raise awareness about Autism, and in turn that will help make change happen.
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This is the first time someone has literally said my son cannot be accepted. Other times, people show that’s the way they feel. All I can do is keep writing and hoping the world will change.
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This makes me so angry!
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If outside childcare were a necessity, I’d be angry, too. And I’d put up a fight. Instead, I just feel sad.
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Girl, I don’t know how Mother’s like you bite your tongues and refrain from swinging fists. Every child deserves a chance. End of discussion. Much love Momma. Great job with this prompt.
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Thanks for your support.
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Love the title btw… That’s one of my favorite songs 🙂
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What a horrible situation! What is wrong with people?! 😦
And I love the title, too. Thanks for the ear worm.
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I still can’t get the song out of my head.
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You have a gorgeous, amazing child. I’m sorry his neurodiversity wasn’t honored nor his gifts and talents acknowledged. Best wishes finding child care and schooling responsive to his strengths and challenges.
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We have our fingers crossed for kindergarten this fall.
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so sad to read this. some of my colleagues have autistic children, and to hear of the obstacles of they face.. it sounds so frustrating and difficult.
hope the search improves…
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The service sent some options for respite providers which might be helpful in the future.
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That happened to me as well. Openings mysteriously disappeared. However, a few years later I had a daycare in my home. I accepted a young boy who had severe ADHD. I had to let him go because I could not keep him safe. Or in another way of looking at it, he required so much of my attention to keepbhim safe, that I couldnt watch the rest of the children. I could see both sides. Still, it is disappointing that they won’t even try.
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I think what bothers me was the categorical rejection without taking the time to get all the details. If they had met my son, maybe talked to me some more and THEN said they couldn’t handle him, I would have more respect. I admire that you took a chance and then acknowledged when you could not serve that boy and the other children in your daycare.
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I felt the gut punch and now I want to return it….to someone else.
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Well, let’s not go get charged with assault.
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As a mom of a kid on the spectrum this just hits me right in the gut……and, like Lance, it makes me think some of those centers deserve a good swift kick in the ass. Grrr. Very powerful 42 words.
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As I mentioned above, the child care isn’t a necessity at this point since my husband stays at home. However, this tells us that the chances of finding child care so that my husband can find work outside the home are not good.
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How can they do that!?? Well, their loss that they never got a chance to know a person like Philip. Lovely, Cynk.
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The short answer is that they can’t do that, at least not according to the Americans with Disabilities Act. The law allows them to turn us down, but only if they have fully explored whether they can accommodate him or not. I gave only basic info about Philip’s needs to the referral service, which was what made the response so disappointing.
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Sad, but all too common. Beautifully crafted–and timely.
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We’re lucky – childcare outside of the home isn’t a necessity.
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It is sad, and yes, very common. Well said with your 42 words.
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I didn’t have the heart for any more words.
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Sorry to hear this. I know the supports in the area I live are also very slim.
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That’s part of our problem. If we would just move we had access to better schools and more services. That’s what an acquaintance was told. Cheaper to move than to put up a legal fight.
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I’m not at all wise on this subject, but I’d think more and more daycares would be accommodating to children on the spectrum. Your entry is a wake-up call for me. It also makes me think I should start up a daycare program.
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I’ll admit I live in a rural, less populated area of my state, so it’s not as if there are a bunch of daycare options as it is. Alas, I think the knee-jerk response is “I can’t handle this” because people don’t really appreciate that autism is a spectrum and manifests itself in many different ways. Or else they by into the rhetoric of how terrible autism is.
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The next time you break my heart I’m posting the thing about the kittens, I swear.
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Duly noted.
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Powerful words. Shameful!
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It made me very sad.
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Aww, Cynk (is it ok if I call you “cynk”?). It’s a sad statement that so many can relate to this piece of reality. Even sadder that things still haven’t changed — four decades ago, my brother was bounced around a lot of places, made worse when institutions were shut down (ironically…they were horrible places but sending all those people out into the street…I don’t know which was worse). Thanks for communicating this so vividly.
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Things are better than they were for your brother, but we still have a ways to go as a society.
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The thing that shows their ignorance is the fact that they didn’t even bother to have a conversation about what his needs might be. It’s sad, and yes, an opportunity missed for all involved, but it’s not surprising.
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I gave them a few details (not potty-trained, mostly non-verbal) and that’s what they based the decision on.
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I hate it when people focus on the label, not the child! It is downright disgusting. As much as I hope things are changing, it seems slow.
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The label is only part of the story. And, since autism is a spectrum, it’s usefulness is limited.
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