Memorial Day Parade

I can’t recall the last time that I went to the Memorial Day Parade in the small town near where I grew up. Back then, we went every year. When we were old enough, first my brother and then I were in the marching band, so we were obligated to go because of that. After I graduated from high school I don’t remember going to the parade again.

A few weeks ago, I decided to take Philip to this year’s parade. Even though he is too young to understand the meaning of Memorial Day, he can start the tradition now.

By attending the event, he will learn that Memorial Day is more than an unofficial start of summer. The day’s purpose is not to create a three-day weekend or provide an excuse for a cookout. Those things may happen, and, to be honest, have probably been more important to me over the years than the real meaning of the holiday. With Philip, I can start anew. I hope that one day he understands the importance of remembering those who have sacrificed to serve, protect and defend our nation.

Walking with Grandpa and Grandma through the cemetery after visiting the grave of his great-grandfather who served in World War II.

Autism Awareness: The Tot Lot Edition

Saturday morning: I roused Philip as soon as I was awake. This was later than usual since Philip stayed up until after 1:30 am. Ugh. We haven’t had a night like that in quite a while.

I’m chalking this up to the fact that school is over. Philip has just been off this week. He hasn’t had much appetite. Peter has tried to take him to the backyard to play while I’m at work, and he has cried and ran to the gate to go back inside. He cried when I tried to take him on our nightly walk with Roscoe. After I wrote this post on Thursday about all of the new things, I began to wonder if all of the little changes just added up to too much.

For most of the week, I could tell that Philip was struggling to get to sleep. On Friday night/early Saturday morning, he did not seem the least bit tired. Unfortunately, I can’t let him (or myself) sleep in following a late night since that only perpetuates the cycle. I forced my eyes open and got the dog ready for his morning walk. Roscoe and I usually go on our own, but I took Philip with us. Since he was still asleep I had to carry him. That made for quite a workout.

He was awake enough to cling to me as I jostled him with each step. I sat down on our front step hoping that the gentle breeze and sound of birds would be enough to get his eyes open. It was. He woke up giggling which I took as a good sign. I was worried that he might wail and make the neighbors wonder what I was doing to the poor kid.

We went back inside, had breakfast and brushed teeth. Philip was climbing on everything, so I knew he was ready for a trip to the park.

I loaded him in the car. I knew it made the most sense to go to the park before our weekly visit to the library. I knew he would need some exercise before having to restrain himself at the library. I also knew it would be best to go to the park before it became too warm or crowded.

When we got to the tot lot, a women and her two grandchildren were already there. I didn’t know how she was related when we first arrived, but she and I began to chat as all three children were on the swings.

She mentioned that she had brought her two grandchildren to the park to burn off some energy before turning them back over to their father, her son. I told her that I had brought Philip to burn off energy before going to the library.

Philip would glance over and giggle, full of joy at swinging beside the woman’s granddaughter

I’m not sure why, but I went on to explain. I mentioned how swinging was good for him and that we have routines for the park and library because he has autism.

She gasped.

At first, I thought her reaction was one of pity. That sharp intake of breath set me on the defensive.

But that wasn’t what prompted her gasp.

“Oh my gosh,” she said. “I think my grandson has it, too.”

Apparently, this woman had just been discussing the two-year-old grandson with her husband the night before. She has been noticing behaviors that caused her concern, so she began doing research. She looked at checklists for warning signs. “He has so many of them,” she told me. “How did you know with your son?”

So, I told her. I told her that he wasn’t talking, barely babbling. I told her about the spinning, the lack of eye contact.

I asked, “Does he point at things?” She told me no. I told her how we noticed that Philip just seemed to be in his own world. She nodded in understanding. “He walks on his tiptoes, he climbs on everything, completely fearless,” she added.

Then she explained her predicament. She thinks that her grandson should be evaluated for autism. In addition to going over the checklists, she consulted a family friend who has a daughter with autism plus another acquaintance who is certified in special education. They both agreed with her concerns, but her son does not. She fears that if she pushes the issue, he will become angry. “I love my son,” she told me, “but even little things can set him off.” She worries that he will become so angry that he will cut off communication with her as well as contact with her grandchildren.

“It isn’t easy to admit or accept there may be a problem,” I told her. I explained how, by Philip’s second birthday, I was fairly certain he might have autism. Yet, Peter resisted the idea. He wanted to believe that Philip was just a late bloomer. “Even though it may not be logical or right,” I told her, “as a parent you blame yourself.”

I’ll never forget the day we took Philip to the preschool for his assessment. The school psychologist pulled us into her office to go over our responses to some questionnaires and report back on some initial observations. Peter broke down saying, “I feel like this is all my fault.”

I never knew he felt that way. I imagine, had I been the stay-at-home parent, I might have wondered what I was doing wrong. Hell, that’s the way I felt as the working mom. Why doesn’t my child sleep? Why doesn’t he respond to his name? Why doesn’t he talk? What am I doing wrong?

I offered the grandma some resources to consult for more information about autism and development delays. I told her that I wasn’t sure how much could be done without the parents’ knowledge or consent, but I could tell that she wanted to know as much as she could so that she could help her grandson as much as she is able.

By this time, more people began to arrive. Philip was getting sweaty, so I decided we should get going to the library. I said goodbye to the woman and wished her luck.

Later, I began to wonder if I had done enough. Should I have offered her my name and number if she had questions or wanted to talk? Did I explain things clearly? Should I have asked her more questions?

I hope that everything works out for her grandson. I hope, regardless whether he has autism or not, that he gets all of the love and support he needs.

Thirteen Things Thursday: 13 new experiences in the last 7 days

1. Last Friday was the first day of Philip’s first summer vacation.
2. On Friday, Philip stood beside me at the kitchen counter as I chopped veggies for supper. As he watched me slice raw, red peppers he said “Agh!” When I offered him a sampling, he said “Bleh!” I guess he really didn’t want his first taste of red pepper.
3. After the pancake breakfast on Saturday, we went to the park. For the first time, Philip went down the slide in the area for slightly older children.     
4. Our next stop after the park was our weekly trip to the library. This was the first time that Philip played with a lacing card. 
5. Later that afternoon, I decided it was time for a new bag of sand in Philip’s turtle sandbox. The first fifty pounds has been dispersed, and Philip has been scrapping the bottom of the box. Philip was so happy he went in whole-body. 
6. When we went to my parents for Sunday Supper, Philip at a hot dog for the first time. With a fork!
7. After supper, Grandma got out the new therapy ball that my parents had bought for Philip. He had seen it on Mother’s Day, but Sunday was the first time that he really played with it. He would hit it with his hand as he raced beside it. I was quite impressed by the coordination that he demonstrated. 
8. On Monday, we picked up the new step stool that we had ordered. When we first set it in front of the kitchen sink, he thought it was a chair and sat down. Now he is obsessed with standing at the sink. Note to self: Do not leave dishes in the sink because Philip might use a cereal bowl to pour water on the floor while you are at work. Much to your husband’s dismay.   
   

   A step up

9. On Monday night, I got out the can of shaving cream I had bought over the weekend. Philip played with it for the first time during his bath.
10. On Tuesday, I started using a picture schedule with Philip at home for the first time. The OT had made a folder with us that had Velcro strips, but I hadn’t quite work out where we would keep this or the logistics of using it. I also didn’t want him to get these pictures confused with his PECS book. I decided to put the cards on a binder ring to create a portable schedule similar to what Philip uses at school. I’m slowly learning what additional pictures I might need to add. It is going to take me awhile to get this organized.
    

    The card says “Take shoes off”

11. On Wednesday morning, Peter needed to return something to the preschool. He and Philip went and this was the first time that Philip had been there in the morning without actually going to school. His speech therapist asked him for a hug, but he pushed away from her and tried to find the chairs that are usually in the lobby for morning arrival.
12. On Wednesday, I finally opened the package of magnets that Philip had received at the Family Fun Fair. I had been saving them for summer time when I knew Peter would need some new activities to keep Philip both learning and entertained.
    

    Lined up, of course

13. In addition to messy play, another strategy for helping children with Sensory Procesing Disorder is something called “heavy work.” Formally known as “propioceptive input,” anything that involves pushing, pulling or otherwise activate the muscles and joints, benefits children with SPD. When we went to the grocery store on Wednesday, I showed Philip how to push the cart. I’ve tried before, but he has gotten upset when I’ve altered the routine of putting in the seat of the cart. Last night, however, he was willing to give this a try. In fact, he enjoyed it so much he didn’t want to stop pushing. After a few minutes, I put him in the cart so that I could pick up my groceries.

Wordless Wednesday: New Magnets

Weekly Photo Challenge: Hands

Too young to shave, but not to play with shaving cream

It wasn’t until I was taking this picture that I realized that I could use it for this week’s photo challenge: Hands. I wasn’t taking the photo with the challenge in mind, but rather to capture a sensory activity that I finally decided to try at home this week.

As I’ve described in multiple posts, including this one, Philip loves to play in sand. His go-to activity in the past was to grab handfuls of sand and throw it in the air. Over the last few months, however, he has found new ways to play in the sand, including drawing. In fact, when he “writes” in sand, he actually grasps the small sticks and twigs that he uses in an appropriate grip.

Writing in the sand with a stick. At other times, Philip uses a single finger, many fingers, one hand or two

Upon the advice of a friend who is a teacher, I’ve been writing letters and words in the sand for Philip to copy. A few times he has copy the letter “P”, but mostly he uses my markings in the sands as prompts for improvisatory swirls and embellishments. Then, with a swipe of his hands, he clears the dirt canvas and starts anew.

When I was describing the sand-play to Philip’s occupational therapist, she recommended trying the same thing with shaving cream. I finally bought a can last week. We have been using it in the bath tub for the past few nights.

This is known as “messy play.” I remember when I was teaching, I saw elementary teachers put shaving cream on tables. I thought this was so that the students would have a fun way to help clean up the desks. I didn’t realize that such play had additional purpose.

This is the messy table in Philip’s preschool classroom. The contents change depending on the unit of study. In this picture, there was rubber mulch and gardening equipment.

By reading such books as The Out-of-Sync Child and The Out-of-Sync Child Has Fun, by visiting Philip’s preschool and joining a Facebook group devoted to Sensory Processing Disorder, I’ve since learned more about the purpose and benefits of messy play.

Messy play stimulates the senses. It provides tactile input that helps with brain development. Messy play is an opportunity for children to experience different textures, be it shaving cream, sand or play dough.

Philip’s tolerance for squishy textures such as play dough has increased. Additionally, I’ve been working on his imitation skills, and he has started copying the way I roll, pound and manipulate the dough.

Depending on the form of the messy play, the child may be developing hand-eye coordination, fine motor skills or building strength. And messy play doesn’t have to be for hands only. Peter didn’t know it, but he was helping Philip last summer when he set the stage for some muddy, full-body messy play.

This is how I found him when I got home from work

I’ve mentioned before that Philip is a sensory seeker. He usually craves input. Yet, there are times when he is a sensory avoider. Sometimes, after playing in the dirt, he will suddenly stand up and try to shake the debris from his hands. He is not satisfied until his hands are clean. But not only washed, but also dried. Even having wet hands can be uncomfortable for him.

Philip often rejects foods entirely based on texture. He prefers hard, crunchy foods. By engaging in messy play, he is building tolerance for various textures. With increased tolerance for wet, slimy textures, there is hope that he will be brave enough to try more fruits and vegetables, foods that have diverse textures.

Philip has been enjoying getting his hands into the shaving cream. Still, there are moments when he suddenly flaps his hands trying to shake the cream off. That’s one reason I started this activity in the bathtub. He can easily rinse the cream off in the bath water. Or, if he is feeling adventurous like he was tonight, he can rub the white fluff on his arms and legs.

Definitely a hands-on activity

Hot dog!

Slowly but surely we are making more progress on the eating front. Tonight, while eating Sunday Supper at my parents’, Philip ate half a hot dog. He has never tried a hot dog before. Technically, that is no great loss since hot dogs aren’t the height of nutrition, but it is good that Philip is experimenting with new textures and flavors.

Last week, I shared my exciting news that Philip fed himself beef and rice with a spoon. Tonight, Philip not only ate a hot dog, he did so using a fork. Hot dog, indeed!

Philip didn’t give me a chance to put the pieces of hot dog in his bowl, but I couldn’t complain when he used a fork to snatch them off of my plate.

Nom, nom, nom

 

 

Blue Lodge Pancake Breakfast

Last month, I wrote about the fact that we had not taken Philip out to eat in a restaurant in a long time. That following Saturday, I had a successful outing with Philip at a restaurant for a surprise birthday party. Bolstered by that success, I decided to try eating out again.

On the third Saturday morning of most months of the year, the local Masonic Lodge holds a pancake breakfast. My aunt’s late husband was a member, so she has frequented the event for many years. My dad often joins her along with some of my mom’s other sisters and a few of my cousins. My mom occasionally makes an appearance but isn’t a regular since she doesn’t eat much for breakfast.

Pancake breakfast-open to the public

In the past when Peter and I lived seventy miles north of here, we would coincide our visits with the monthly breakfast. I think we took Philip once or twice, but that was well before we stopped dining out with him.

Scrambled eggs, a fat sausage link and a just-right sized pancake

I decided the pancake breakfast would be a good situation to test the waters. The menu includes several foods that Philip has been known to eat. While you can request freshly prepared hotcakes, most of the food has already been made and is waiting in warming pans. You go to the counter, make your requests and take your food to the table. This means that Philip would not have to wait.

I was so focused on being speedy that I wasn’t very thorough. I forgot to pick up a tray and silverware. My one aunt loaned me her knife to cut up the food into bite-sized pieces. My other aunt sent her son to fetch me a fork. I had brought one of Philip’s forks from home, but he didn’t use it. Instead, as soon as I had cut a few pieces of sausage, he snapped up the first one and started munching away.

My aunt remarked that this was the quietest that she had ever seen Philip

Philip only ended up eating the one sausage link. I ate what was left plus the sausage link that my dad gave me when we thought that Philip hadn’t yet got his fill. When Philip finished eating, I gave him a pipe cleaner to play with . When he bored with that, I got out some play dough. I ate while he played. Soon, it was time to switch again, so I gave him a mini board book to look at.

When Philip had finished eating, he leaned against me. He sat contentedly for about thirty minutes. Then I noticed that he began to sniff, and his lips were quivering. And then he let out a wail.

This was the other reason I thought this pancake breakfast would be a good option. Philip began to cry, so I gathered him up and we left. You make your donation as you order, so there was no need to wait for a check or for a server to run a credit card. Plus, we were with family, and they all understood that I can just tell Philip to be quiet or expect him to sit still forever. Heck, any three-year-old is going to get bored when the meal is over and the adults are chatting about things they don’t care about.

Overall, I thought the breakfast was a success. There is another in June before the lodge takes a break for the summer. I’m thinking we will give it another try.

****

I had hoped that I would take Philip for a quick walk before the breakfast this morning, but he was slow to become active after waking. I think a little physical activity before sitting down to eat would both increase his appetite and help him to sit still for a bit longer.

Philip had stopped crying by the time we made it to the car. I had plans to go to the library next, but it was still too early. Instead, I drove him to the park. It seemed very quiet compared to our visit on Thursday for the preschool picnic.

I soon discovered one reason why Philip may have cried after breakfast. I noticed he was walking with an odd gait once we got to the tot lot. Upon closer inspection, I realized he had a very wet, full diaper. I made him cry again by removing him from the lot and then taking him to the car to change his diaper. The restrooms at the park don’t have changing tables, so I had to use the back seat. Philip was less than thrilled.

That is why I let him lead me over to the “big kids” play area. It was until after I let him climb the stairs several times I saw the sign saying this equipment was designed for five-year-olds and up. Too late.

Philip was nervous, which I take as a good sign. Sometimes, he scares me with his fearlessness-jumping off the couch onto his trampoline, climbing from his bed to the dresser, etc. Philip was uncertain about moving on a see-through walkway.

I’m not too sure about this, Mom

I held his hand and walked close beside him. We went to the slide, and I encouraged him to slide down. After making his descent, he immediately raced around to climb the stairs again. He hesitated again at the walkway, but after I helped him a second time, he was able to repeat the pattern alone.

Look Mom, no hands!

Whee!

After spending a few more minutes at the park, it was time for our weekly trip to the library. Philip returned our materials in the drop box like he’s been doing it his whole life. Next, we stopped to look at the ceiling fans on the second floor before passing by the fish tank on our way to the children’s area.

Philip immediately went for the Duplo blocks. He tried to upend the tub and dump all of them noisily on the floor, but his efforts were thwarted by the presence of an Olivia the Pig puppet shoved in the container. While Philip played with the blocks that were available, I returned Olivia to her place on the shelf with the other stuffed animals and then checked out the other materials. I discovered a Three Billy Goats Gruff lacing activity.

I started to play with the cards and laces, and this caught Philip’s attention. I was curious to see how he would do. When I had sat in on his OT session on Wednesday, the therapist tried lacing for the first time. Philip seemed to remember what he had done, because he was soon lacing the card like a pro.

When he tired of lacing, he went back to the blocks. While I put away the cards, he finally succeeded in dumping the rest of them on the floor. I let him play for a while, then it was time to clean up. He picked up every block except the one in the picture. I’m convinced he didn’t think it belonged.

One of these things is not like the others